I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
