yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
