I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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