need another drink. this is the easiest way
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
