then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
