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I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
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