I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
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Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.