You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.