I got chris browned last night
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.