3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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