We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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