we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
