I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize