HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
