Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
