just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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