she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
