DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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