I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
