i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
