Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
