PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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