Im at strip club and am horny
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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