I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
