They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
