I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
