accomplished twins. life is a go
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
