i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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