I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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