I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you have to choose: penises or morals?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
