I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
