Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
