somebody snuck up and got me drunk
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just had sex on a roof
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
