She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
