after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
being pregnant is like rehab
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
