I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you never un-have a 4some
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
