break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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