its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
