I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
