I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
