ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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