Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
