I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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