did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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