Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
