help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize