also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
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is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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