mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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