I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
