I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
