It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
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I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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