I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
