just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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