Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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