How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
