omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
