I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
