you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
wow bdsm is so cute
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
