At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
