Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
