While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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