thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
