I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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