went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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