i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
