hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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