Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
