There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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