bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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