i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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