Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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