Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
