I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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