Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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