Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
