so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
