the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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