I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
