i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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