he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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