A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
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I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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