if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
