ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
