I'm lost and stupid without you.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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